Saturday, December 30, 2017

New years musings - Hello 2018

The last year and a half has been rather tough and dreary. Just after my last update I got a herniated disc with several severe complications. It meant that I was bedridden for over a year, walked with a cane a some point, still can't bend down to pick up stuff from the floor and probably have permanent nerve damage along the sciatica nerve (neuropathic pain in my ancle and foot). I'm not going to dwell on it more beacuse I havn''t quite come to terms with it yet. But it explains that I have a new base point.

The last few months I've noticed that I have regained som cognitive functions and can think more complex thoughts again. Being in cronic pain is very taxing on the whole body and it seems a bit similar to what clinically stressed people are telling me about their anxiety levels and cognitive functions.

New years resolutions
Basically what I want from 2018 is more! More of everything, except time, as I've had too much time this year to just lay and perish

  • Cognitive: More skills! I want to learn to fish, code (have dappled a bit in Python), write (thesis and in general).
  • Physical Health: So much room to excell here... Regain strength with walking, biking, dancing, swimming, kettlebells and calistenics . Since I'm still rehabilitating I won't make exact goals because its important to stop before excerting myself and always listen to my body. No super tough workouts! But i would like to be able to walk semi-long walks with a spring in my step and not hunched over in a growl and be able to carry my body when bending over. Hopefully that also comes with less pain.
  • Mental Health: Get rid of arbitratry guilt and self judging! I will also try to normalise my relationship with food and get away from the diet culture with it's super foods and ingrained superiority complex. I like a variety of foods and will eat them in variety. As a person with anxiety and a personality disorder my mental health goals is also to be even better at self care - not in the indulgent way of taking a bath while burning a candle (although that sounds nice) but in the sence of getting food, sleep, fresh and air exercise. Maintaining social relations, health check ups, asking and seeking help. I would also like to learn how to be better at setting boundaries and both knowing when my boundaries are being overstepped and how to respond.
  • More action, less procrastination: Cultivating discipline. I've done it before but lost it in first mental health and then the whole invasive pain ordeal. I want it back! Perhaps daily and weekliy schedules will help?
  • Culture: More books, more podcasts, more flute playing, more good movies and tv-series.
  • More knitting!: One sweater for me with stash yarn and pattern. Hat, mittens and scarf for me (again stash everything). Socks for whomever. Mending and finishing.

How to accomplish that?
 In the past few years I've dabbled in making daily routines. I don't think a very strict scheduele with timestamps is beneficial to me, so instead I will try to cultivate rythms and more cyclical routines. Daily routines settle into weekly which again makes up the yearly. I can already feel my frazzled nerves relaxing with the thought of the more natural system of little drops gathering into streams, ponds, rivers and oceans. Life events suddenly has a home and somewhere they belong. I am myself and rythms give me life. The circle of life and the days of my life.

My daily routines consists of a morning, day and evening rythm with personal hygjeine, eating, dishes, physical exercise and learning to code, reading, listening, seeing. Putting things in electronic calenders!
Weekly is cleaning, home office, knitting group, meal plan and weekend activities.
Yearly is seasonal cleaning, holidays and retrospection of if anything needs changing.

My plans are not very formalised yet. And perhaps they'll never will be. But with a quarterly retrospection (already an event in my phone calender) I will regularly ponder over if things are moving along.

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